Archive for August, 2009

The natural history of running

My college friend J.-J. and I must have been at the far unlikely end of the spectrum of those who could be expected to pick up a truly obsessive sport habit later in life - the main things I remember us doing are smoking lots of cigarettes and drinking to excess and having some very good conversations about the satirical novels of Evelyn Waugh!

In fact, we have recently reconnected on Facebook, where I spotted his Ironman finisher's photo, and since then we have been having some very good obsessive endurance sport back-and-forth exchanges, literary and otherwise.

(He points out that endurance sport is in many respects a literary or philosophical phenomenon as much as it is a fitness-related activity!)

He recommended that I read Bernd Heinrich's Why We Run: A Natural History, and I found it utterly mesmerizing. The opening stretch of pages is perhaps slightly too lyrical metaphysical for my tastes (I have never been able to read Thoreau seriously, or the more fanciful pages of Emerson!), but it develops into an absolutely wonderful book with all sorts of fascinating reflections on physiology and distance running - the kind of thing a highly original zoologist might indeed come up with as he tried to figure out how to train and race best at distances long enough that there was very little prior data to examine.

"[T]o the fawns of pronghorn antelopes and other ungulates that require speed to survive," Heinrich writes (summarizing the research of John A. Byers), "play is fast running that may be interspersed with twists and leaps. It has long been argued that such exorbitant, apparently useless expenditure of energy is a survival cost. Contrary to this supposition, Byers found that those pronghorn fawns who played more had a greater chance of surviving the first month of life than those who played less."

Playfulness in this context is an advantage, and Heinrich in a sequence of middle chapters moves through a number of different animals, each of which offers insights into different aspects of human running physiology.

Here he is on the camel, whose hump of back fat serves as a heat shield from the sun and allows the less-insulated belly to assist with heat loss:
Part of the camel's secret is just plain toughness and the ability to survive desiccation. We're near death is we lose water equal to about 12 percent of our body weight, but camels can survive body water loss of 40 percent of body weight. After being dehydrated, a camel can ingest 20 to 25 percent of its body weight in one drinking bout. As in humans, the ingested water reaches the blood plasma from the stomach relatively slowly, requiring about an hour to attain a 25 percent equilibrium. But unlike humans, camels tolerate blood dilution to an extent not tolerable in other mammals. Our blood cells swell and rupture in dilution, and we can become very ill and even die from water toxicity if we drink too much liquid, especially when it is dilute (without salt or sugar) and therefore absorbed more quickly.
And when it comes to smoothness of stride, high-speed cameras have revealed that one champion runner is the American cockroach (Periplaneta americana, which
raises three legs at a time and keeps three on the ground. The first and third on one side and the second on the other are used as a unit. The roach moves using such alternate tripods. The difference between walking and slow running is simply the rate at which successive tripod steps are taken, although when really cruising, some cockroaches do something different. They spread their wings, shift their body weight to the rear, and become bipedal by running on their hind legs. American cockroaches can spring this way at some fifty body lengths per second. By that measure, they run about four times faster than a cheetah, the world's fastest land animal in terms of absolute speed.
What follows is a rather enchanting description of the All-American Trot, held annually at Purdue University, featuring cockroach footraces "on a custom-built circular track with racers coming from entomology department research stock." (Here's another report on the event - both descriptions note that the lumbering Madagascan hissing cockroach is harnessed to a miniature green-and-yellow John Deere tractor.)

Humans' elongated feet are much better adapted for running than the grasping digits of apes, and Heinrich speculates that foot size may be a significant explanatory factor in the difference between elite men's and women's running speeds, a gap which has to some extent resisted explanation. His thoughts on migratory birds and how they fuel for their feats of ultra-endurance are very effectively woven back into a discussion of metabolic issues and fueling for ultra-distance runs (the book is in part structured as an account of how he came to win the North American 100K Championship in Chicago in 1981).

At one point, Heinrich says of a run he logs, "It was not all out. I usually tried to keep a little back, so that willpower would accumulate, like a battery on a charge." The book is full of such insights, and the language - especially when it comes to matters zoological - is vivid and clear and particular. A classic of the genre. (J.-J., thanks for the recommendation, I hadn't even heard of it before you mentioned it!)

Addendum to Who post

"I know that she's no peasant," sang the Beatles in their worst lyric.

Yesterday's post about Tom Phillips's heretofore unknown by moi contribution to two familiar albums reminded me of a terrible Who lyric! From the chorus of "Face Dances (Part 2)":

Face dance tonight
Fate chances moonlight

World’s laziest blogger

I liked this piece but I'm too tired to say anything about it.

Life in literature

Spreading like wildfire, but most immediately pasted in from Maxine's wonderfully noir version, my life according to books I've read this calendar year (2009):
Describe yourself:
The Girl Who Played With Fire.
How do you feel?
It’s Beginning to Hurt.
Describe where you currently live:
Lush Life.
If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Swimming.
Your favorite form of transport:
The Dragon Waiting.
Your best friend is . . . ?
A Fortunate Age.
You and your friends are . . .?
Outliers.
What’s the weather like?
American Pastoral.
Favourite time of day?
Daylight Noir.
What is life to you?
The Mind-Body Problem.
Your fear?
A Case of Conscience.
What is the best advice you have to give?
Hold Tight.
Thought for the Day?
Getting a Grip.
How I would like to die:
The Best of Times.
My soul's present condition?
Dreaming By the Book.

‘Thriller’ in Mexico City breaks world record

Go here, here, and here for coverage of the "Thriller" spectacle that happened at the Monumento de la Revolucion on Saturday. The video above is by AFP, which says 12,937 dancers heeded the call of "Todos somos zombies" and followed the lead of Hector Jackson, Mexico's premier MJ impersonator.

Almost 13,000 danced but the city said as many as 50,000 people crowded the plaza and surrounding streets for the event. As for me, after watching two sing-along, swaying renditions of "Heal the World" as more and more people poured into the space, I decided I had MJ overload, and left.

But in case you missed it, I profiled Hector last week for The Faster Times, as he prepared for his biggest show yet. He's a true-blue hustling chilango. "I started liking his songs, I started investigating more, and it started as a game. Dancing like him," Hector said. "And what started out as a game is now a matter of work. A lot, a lot of work."

* Previously, "Getting ready for 'Thriller' in Mexico City."

Manga eyes

Tawada Yoko on the fate of the ideogram amidst competing systems of reading and writing, courtesy of Bookforum. Here's a bit I especially liked:
It’s been ten years now since I’ve had a European ask me why the Japanese still haven’t given up their ideograms. Instead, I’ve noticed a growing interest in ideograms. The children at the German schools where I’ve given readings have shown far more interest in the Chinese characters than my texts. Maybe this has something to do with the texts. Even when I write in German, image-based script in the broadest sense is still present in my texts. I don’t know if the growing interest in ideograms can be explained more by the interest in manga culture or China’s economic growth. No matter whom I come in contact with—employees at a computer store, academics, people at arts organizations or the artists themselves—everyone wants to know more about ideograms. Perhaps this is part of a global process in which visual thinking is taking on a more central role.

When I’m writing, I’ve often found myself inspired by German words like “Stern-kunde” (star-science, or astronomy), “Schrift-steller” (script-placer, or writer) or “Fern-seher” (distance-viewer, television). It always seemed to me as if two ancient Germanic ideograms were being joined together to make a new word. Romanic languages surely sound more melodious and colorful than German. English has a spare, modern elegance that German sometimes lacks, and my love of Slavic languages will never vanish. But for me the building blocks of German words have an ideographic character that seems to be crucial for my writing.
(I note that before clicking through to the piece itself, I took the word "Letter" in the essay's title - "The Letter as Literature's Political and Poetic Body - to mean letter in the sense of epistolarity.)

WFMU Playlist: The Acousmatic Theater Hour with Jason G and Karinne from Aug 31, 2009

Playlist from The Acousmatic Theater Hour with Jason G and Karinne on WFMU, from Aug 31, 2009

The Manuscript of Belz

THE LIBRARY IS collapsing on itself, trying to digest itself. Renovation has turned the whole place into a vast construction site, where tradesmen build temporary walls surrounding temporary walls surrounding temporary walls, ad-hoc postindustrial labyrinths lit by bare bulbs encroaching on the bookstacks. Construction workers come into my office daily, sledgehammering pillars and propping them up again, removing thermostats, ceiling lights, and flooring. It’s out of this maze of dust and incandescent light that Brko emerges, bearing apologies and a manuscript—the apologies for his intrusion, and the manuscript for his enrichment. Then again, I suppose that’s what his apologies are really for, too.

2735617853_f342f917b7

Brko is a construction engineer; he wears a hard hat with some a troubled Balkan state’s flag taped to it. Day after day in the bowels of the library he demolishes walls with a front-end loader. I’ve seen him stumping down the halls, sweaty and swollen-faced, but haven’t spoken to him until today. When he enters, I think he’s here to knock the thermostat off the wall again. But he says nothing, only gazing at the stacks of old, leatherbound volumes heaped up on my desk. After awhile, he says, “my book is more beautiful than this. I can show you?”

I smile and nod, thinking how little ever comes of such offers. But yes, I tell him, I’d love to see it, of course.

“It is here,” he says, handing me a dingy manila envelope.

But I thought it was a book, I say.

“Well, yes, it is piece of book. A page. But it is very beautiful. You look, maybe library will to buy.”

The single leaf slides out easily; singed fragments of paper rain down upon the floor. But yes, it is beautiful—a nearly whole first page of a richly illuminated manuscript. I sit awhile stunned, burned by the iridescence of the gold leaf, the blue whorls of the abjad.

I want to know where Brko got it.

“Before I came, I was driver,” Brko says. “I drove for UN, for journalists, for others, too—mostly at the end for UN inspectors. Someone gave to me. I knew it was beautiful. So I kept.”

I wonder what else he knows about it.

“It comes from town called Belz, it had mosque, it had beautiful manuscript. Interior troops hit town hard, they break mosque down and burn. This the only page who survived.”

I gaze a bit longer before handing the piece back to him. It is beautiful, yes, I say. But we surely won’t acquire it. We don’t know its provenance—we can’t know its origin with any certainty—and besides, it’s incomplete, and badly damaged.

At this, Brko’s face turns red. “Is this library telling me this, or you only? I am happy going someplace else.”

I nod apologetically. No no, I say. I am no expert. I will show your manuscript to someone who is. And Brko slips the envelope on my desk and backs away, his head swaying to and fro.

“Then we will see,” he says. And with that, he exits.

I place a call to the curator of manuscripts. She’s not answering, so I leave a voice mail and try to put the envelope out of my mind, to no avail. Late in the afternoon, I withdraw the delicate leaf from its sleeve and place it in a yellow puddle of lamplight. It is Ottoman, no doubt, masterfully done and prodigously well-preserved; the parchment fresh, the ink all but moist. But where would it have come from, what sort of a place?

A little village in the rain. It always rained on Belz. This would have been the lore of the region, the prejudice against Belz, and the residents of the town would have shared it, even taken a perverse pride in it, perhaps. Why do I imagine such a downpour? Maybe I’m trying to forestall the fires, the bombing and burning that await the town and its manuscripts. In any case, with the rain as with so much else, things had been this way as long as anyone in the country could remember. Even through the most difficult times of the Federated Republic and all that had followed, right up until the Nationalists took power, Belz would have been the same: a small town of white flaking walls, red tile roofs, and running gutters, framed by the chalky bulk of the mountain looming white among the clouds. Nearer to town would have stood the walnut orchards with their silken worm-bags hanging in the branches, the air pungent with the pulp of the fallen walnut husks mellowing in the Belz rain.

belzstreet

In the center of town stood a mosque built of chips of stone taken from the mountain. It was very old, and had been beautiful once, the white rocks laced together with black mortar. During the Federated Republic, the stones of this same mountain, which in places bore the rough graffiti of Roman occupiers, were used all around the country to cover hillsides with great white letters that read out slogans like PARTY AND PEOPLE and the Grave Leader’s name. These stones were Belz’s second claim to fame—though the residents of Belz were dubious of their renown in this matter, having been the conscripts who had carried those chips down the slopes in heavy baskets.

belzrock

In the Federated Republic, the mosque had fallen out of use and into disrepair, and now it was a museum of sorts. Among a few old coins and shards of classical earthenware, it contained Belz’s third most famous property, after the rain and the stones: the Manuscript of Belz. The people of Belz with their wet shoulders and their runny noses took great pride in this artifact, this venerable book of scripture filled with calligraphy and ornamented with gold leaf and brilliant illuminations. Scholars came to Belz from as far away as the capital city to view and study the book. The town kept a small cell adjoining the display room in good repair, that scholars might have space in which to work and to spend a few nights if they so wished.

An old man, who fancied himself the keeper of the book, visited the mosque regularly to tidy the room and to attend to the scholars’ needs. Though he could not make out the writing it contained—the old calligraphic styles never were prized for their legibility—he nonetheless loved to fondle it as it lay in its velvet cradle under glass. He made a ceremony of turning over a leaf of the manuscript each morning; this he did first thing, before going to the cell to dust its floor beams with a stiff broom. Sometimes he ran his rain-cracked fingertips over the loops and serifs of the characters, feeling the ridges the ancient pen had made as it had cut into the paper. He stared down at the illuminations, taking off his skullcap of roughly knitted wool and twisting it in his fists as he gazed wonderingly into the book.

When the Nationalists took power, the residents of Belz had cause to worry. Although they were not at all political—the Federated Republic and its Grave Leader had taken care of that—the Nationalists hated the Muslims, hated their skullcaps and their dark eyes, hated their distaste for pork and strong liquor, hated the harsh fricatives of their dialect, all so reminiscent of the heretical empire of old. Though to tell the truth, the Nationalists would have hated Belz even if its people spent their days bare-headed beneath the cloudy skies, drinking vodka and eating ham sandwiches.

The curator of manucripts arrives, interrupting my reverie.

“Let’s have a look at this forgery your friend has brought you,” she says as I hand her the envelope.

A forgery, I ask? That’s too bad. Of course, I’m not surprised to hear it.

She slips the page from its cover, and the scent of burnt hide fills the room. “I’m being unfair,” she says. “It’s not precisely a forgery—more of a facsimile, really. And as the story goes, it was produced for the best, most quixotic reason. You see, the people of the town knew that the army was destroying all the Islamic objects they could find, and they wanted to save their manuscript. So they hired a conservator who knew the manuscript well, and he produced a facsimile for them. The idea was to replace the original, to leave the fake for the soldiers to find.”

So if this is the fake, I wonder, what happened to the original?

The curator shrugs. “No one knows,” she says. “According to the prevailing opinion, the conservator must have absconded with it. But Belz was razed only a couple of years ago. The volume could still turn up, intact, in an auction somewhere.”

What about Brko’s piece, I ask.

The curator holds the piece at eye level, letting the lamplight plane off the prismatic text. “It’s shockingly good,” she says. “I’ll take it back to the lab for a closer look, just to be sure. But you’ll probably have to tell him he’s got a fine conversation piece.”

The people of Belz knew that the Nationalists had begun their cleansing; they saw tall stalks of black smoke rise and blossom on the horizon. And the old man knew—for visiting scholars had told him—that the Nationalists would burn the manuscript if it fell into their hands. He brought the problem before the town council, who, naturally, were divided over the matter.

“They won’t bother us here,” one said. “When have they ever?”

“What about the young men?” one asked. “Each day another one goes to join the fighters in the hills. The troops will come when they find out about this.”

“Couldn’t we send the manuscript along with one of these boys?” someone asked in reply. “My nephew leaves tomorrow, nothing I’ve said will stop him.”

“But what if he’s caught?”

“My son is planning to pack his family and leave the country,” said another. “He could take it with him.”

“But they’ll be stopped and searched at the border!”

“No no, the Interior Police won’t bother with a simple family mulecart!”

“How can you hope to beat these thugs at their own games?” cried an older man. “When the troops arrive, we should welcome them with gifts of bread and salt in their custom. We should bow to them and hand over the manuscript. That way they won’t burn our houses!”

“But no one can burn the houses of Belz!” someone said. He stood and shook his fist. “Our rain will stop them!” he shouted, and the crowd replied with hoots and peals of laughter.

The old man, who had stood patiently in the middle of the chamber through it all, shook his head, put his finger to his nose, and spoke. “I have a plan. Years ago a young scholar visited us. Now, this scholar, whose name was Fadim, I remember that he was also an artist. He told me that he knew how to write in the ancient calligraphic style of the manuscript, that he could bind the leaves into a book and sew a grand leather cover. Though this man had once worked in the capital city, he left when the university closed. He lives now with family not far from Belz. Now this Fadim, perhaps we can entice him to come, to make a facsimile of the manuscript that we can turn over to the police in place of the original.”

The council argued awhile longer, but finally agreed to do as the old man suggested. The next day he borrowed a battered sedan from one of the councilors and drove over the pitted road to find Fadim and ask him to Belz.

Fadim was unhappy on his cousin’s farm: afraid of the animals, repelled by the smells of the barn, he insisted that plowing and sowing should not be allowed to wreck his scholar’s hands with a stick of wood for being such a useless wreck did he at last join in the work of the farm. He took refuge in solitary tasks, and even came to enjoy milking the cow—her udder leather-dry, her milk the same creamy yellow color as paper. Such opportunities for reverie were far-flung, however, and he passed through his days on the farm as if they were so many abandoned rooms. He squinted at the dirty children, cursing the country silence and the frozen stupidity of his cousin’s people.

When the old man arrived from Belz, Fadim was perplexed. The venerable fellow made a strange ambassador, after all, with his moist skullcap and his sniffles. But at his first mention of Belz, Fadim’s heart fluttered. His breath caught at the thought of the famous manuscript. And when the old man explained his mission, his invitation buoyed Fadim at once. He did not need to take a second glance at the bruised farm lying all around him before saying yes to the old man. He was careful, however, to mask his eagerness to leave, and his hunger to have the manuscript in his hands once again.

“We cannot pay you,” the old man said. “But you will have use of the mosque, and free board for as long as you need.”

Fadim pinched his chin and shook his head. “How much time do we have?” he asked. The old man only shrugged, for who could know? Perhaps the troops would never come—or perhaps they were in Belz already.

Fadim grumbled about his family and his duties on the farm, just to make a show of it. But in the end, of course, he told the old man he would come. It didn’t even matter that Belz couldn’t pay him, as the country’s money was worthless. Belz offered honor, though, greater honor than he could ever find prodding his cousin’s muddy sheep to return to their fold. So Fadim told his cousin he was leaving (the man only wiped his brow and spit on the ground) and packed a worn valise full of tools and materials and a bottle of cream fresh from the morning’s milking. He placed his valise in the back seat of the sedan and settled in beside the old man, who sat behind the wheel eating a raw, peeled onion. The old man steered the car over the road, chattering on in his onion-scented fricatives about all the scholars who had ever visited Belz.

Belz welcomed Fadim like a martyr. The rain had dwindled to a premonitory mist; boys jumped up and down along the road playing their boom boxes as the car bumped up the steep hill toward the mosque. Some men roasted a goat while women linked their arms and danced in the muddy yard. The old man accompanied Fadim everywhere, smiling broadly and patting him on the back. Finally, he led him into the moist innards of the mosque, led him to the neat cell with its high desk and its window looking out on the gray skies and the houses of Belz fringed with the yellow-leafed crowns of the walnut trees. As the rain hammered the chipped stone wall outside, Fadim unpacked his needles and silken threads, his inks, and his pots of pigment and powdered gold.

Fadim began the labor thinking that his work need only be reasonably accurate. The Interior Police were infamous illiterates, criminals released from the state prisons, and easily fooled. Any antique-looking book full of flourishes would satisfy their flames. But as he studied the manuscript—removed from its glass case and placed in its velvet cradle atop the high desk—Fadim was charmed once again by its sublime script. He read the holy words as if for the first time, and the manuscript spoke to him. He inhaled the incense of its antiquity—the dry, spiced scent of moldering paper and leather—until, when he fell into bed at night, he could smell it on his hands and in his hair. The figures of the script sang, made sounds of words the likes of which he had forgotten. How could he have missed all this beauty on his first visit to Belz? He was young then, of course, his graduate studies barely finished. And now, after all that had happened to him, he could see fresh milk and smell wet fields among the pages of the ancient text. In thrall to all this voluptuousness, he longed to reproduce it. He wanted nothing less than to recreate the Belz Manuscript—he would have stayed in that cell and made a thousand of them; he would have drawn and gilded and folded and sewn until he fell dead from the stool, had such a thing been possible. He would have filled the world with Manuscripts of Belz until they were plentiful as plums. And when the work was finished and the new manuscript lay atop the table beside its older twin, it seemed all the more glorious for its freshness. It lacked the scent of the old book, of course, but even that would come in time.

The ringing phone interrupts my reverie. It’s the curator of manuscripts.

“I have, well, interesting news, and then I have bad news,” she says. “Bad news first: as I said, and as you thought, we can’t really use the piece. It’s fine, really, a first-rate example of the illuminations from its period. We can’t firmly substantiate where it’s from, as the manuscript was never microfilmed. So we don’t know enough about it to curate it. But now, here’s the interesting part: it’s the real thing. It’s not a facsimile. It’s a genuine fifteenth century Ottoman manuscript, a fragment of the Koran, in fact.”

You’re kidding. That’s incredible.

The curator snickers into the phone. “You can tell your friend Brko to get in touch with me,” she says. “I’ll set him up with the someone at Sotheby’s.”

I remember that the Koran is an attribute of Allah, as perfect and eternal as His beauty, His anger, and His mercy.

I hang up the phone and stare at the heaps of books around me. Walls of precious, rare codices, safely imurred in my library. Somewhere nearby, Brko knocks down a wall of bricks, and dust sifts from still more tomes as they tremble imperceptibly on their shelves. I suppose I should be surprised that Brko holds a piece of the original manuscript—that for all his attempts to pass a fake as the real thing, it proved to be authentic after all. Then again, perhaps the whole story of the facsimiles was a hoax, a confidence man’s clumsy parable concocted to pique buyer Brko’s interest.

I can’t let go of Belz, though, or Fadim. I feel sure that Fadim was real, and that he had to betray Belz in the end. For would you not have felt, as Fadim must surely have felt, that such a work—a work of one’s own hands, after all, the consummation of a lifetime’s perfection of the rarest and most esoteric skills—could never be given over to the flames? Surely this is what Fadim felt. And surely this is why, on that last wet morning before the sun had risen, he padded softly out of the mosque with the manuscript, the new Manuscript of Belz, wrapped in a kerchief in his valise. He slipped down the hill and splashed out onto the road, ignored by the dogs who yawned and shook off the rain as he passed.

belzview

That very same night, of course, the tanks and armored trucks of the Interior Police had climbed the hills on the outskirts of Belz. They paused now among the walnut trees on the edge of town. Young men with shaven heads and blue eyes passed the hours smoking furtively and watching the lights of Belz flicker in the rain. They were eager for the sun to come up and their work to begin, for fighters from the hills had struck hard in the capital city, and the soldiers knew what revenge they would seek in the damp town below them.

As the sun rose, the soldiers swiveled their rockets and fired at the mosque. The shells slammed into its walls, shaking them shrilly, clapping them like bells. Thick smoke poured from the white rock walls. The soldiers rushed into town with the tanks close behind. They gathered Belz men, still bleary-eyed from sleep, and began sorting them out. Any man with rough hands and tanned skin they judged a fighter; they pushed these men against walls and shot them in their faces. The councilor who had argued appeasement now tottered bareheaded from his house, offering bread and salt in his raised hands. A soldier hit him in the head with the butt of his rifle. Soldiers caught women hiding in root cellars and raped them. They burned the low silos and they shot the milk cows while the stones of the mosque rolled and cracked in the flames that incinerated the famous manuscript and the old man, who died asleep in his cell. As sour smoke curled among the piles of rubble, soldiers laughed and took turns firing across the fields at townspeople running into the walnut orchards. Those running through the fields did not notice how the sun, rising for once in a clear sky, had warmed the dew in the grass.

The soldiers caught Fadim as they were driving out of the uprooted town. He had hidden in a bank of grass along the road where the rocket tanks had stopped, and had been too frightened to move. As the tanks churned through the ditches and over the road one made straight for him, forcing him to run, and the soldiers pointed their rifles at his head. A young soldier, deprived of spoils by his comrades, demanded that Fadim give up his valise. Convinced by his pallor and the softness of his hands that he was no fighter from the hills, the soldiers told him to go away. As they drove Fadim off with taunts and blows, the young soldier prised open the case, spilled its contents into the mud, and cursed to find nothing of value.

This story first appeared in September 2000 on hermenaut.com; it’s published here with a nudge from Peggy Nelson. The photograph of bookshelves in the Älteste Bibliothek of Halle is in the Flickr stream of gynti_46 and is used here under a Creative Commons attribution/share-alike license.

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the beginning of school

I’m adding another microjob to all the microjobs I have. Starting next week I will be the super-part-time IT lady at the vocational high school that I work at. This means that I’ll be the triage lady between the IT troubles at the school and the expensive tech consultants that do the networking and account management and mail server for the school. This is good news for me. I’ll even, sort of, have a classroom because there’s an empty one. I’m going to dial back my adult ed teaching in the evenings for a semester so that I can be around at night. So, for anyone curious or keeping track at home, here is my “what I do for work” list at the moment.

  • I run MetaFilter – I am one of two full-time moderators. In addition to the guy who owns the site and the coder who builts a lot of it, we’re it. Running Ask MetaFilter has taught me a lot about how people look for information and how they do or do not find it.
  • I give talks – as other people have observed, public speaking opportunities seem to be dropping off somewhat. I was turning down offers last year because I was overbooked, now I’m doing maybe one a month? Works out well for me, but it’s hardly a reliable income stream.
  • I am still automating the Tunbridge Library using Koha. It’s slow going. Some of that slowness is me, some is not. I work a few hours a week on it. We’re at the point where everything’s got a sticker and now we’re linking records to items. Exciting.
  • I’m writing a book for Libraries Unlimited about teaching people to use computers over on this side of the digital divide. Due in March and I’m doing my own index. Wish me luck!
  • I’m still doing drop-in time at the local vocational high school which is a different job from the IT job though also just a few hours a week.
  • I got a royalties check from Mcfarland for about $20 so I guess that’s sort of like a job.

I’m sure there are other things I’m forgetting. As usual, librarian.net is just a hobby blog and not something that brings in any money which is AOK by me. This is post #3001 after 10+ years of doing this.

librarians and roller derby

I went to a roller derby match this weekend, my first, and this morning this article crosses my desk. Coincidence? I think not.

By day, she’s Beth Hollis, a 53-year-old reference librarian in Akron, Ohio. By night, she’s MegaBeth, an ageless dynamo on the roller derby rink. “All my life, when I tell people I’m a librarian, they say, ‘You don’t look like a librarian,’ ” Hollis said. “And now that I’m a roller derby girl, they say, ‘You don’t look like a roller derby girl, either.’ So I don’t know where I fit in.”

update: please head on over to FM Daisy’s blog to see more Derbrarians.

Summer on the brain

That's the only way to explain the title The New Yorker placed atop Caleb Crain's fine essay on historical pirates: "Bootylicious." (Seemingly every third t-shirt for sale in North Carolina's Outer Banks, a former pirate haven where I vacationed in July, bears a skull and crossbones and a slogan along the lines of "Surrender the Booty" or "Bootylicious." Get it?)

both sides



Same leaf shadow on leaf, looking from the outside in and then the inside out.


sky sighting

This morning over Brooklyn.

Device For Sale: Custom URL Shortener

Hate to let this one go! For fans of vintage technology, get a load of this first-generation CUSTOM URL SHORTENER. This is the prototype designed by Rod Surly and Jacob Whitebreath that debuted at the 2002 Techno-Mall 2.0 Trade Show. You simply plug the URL Shortener into one of the internet pipes, grab a site with a long URL, then type in a new, shorter URL before releasing the site back into the pipe.

In fact, I hate to brag, but I’m the guy who used this machine to change CableNewsNetwork.com to cnn.com, which has saved billions of keystrokes in the past few years. So you’re getting a real piece of history with this device!

THIS IS ONE OF MY PRIZED POSSESSIONS, EMAIL ME FOR A SERIOUS INQUIRY ON HOW YOU CAN BUY IT. Condition is double-mint near-plus. Yes, institutions are welcome to make an offer.

Carrying case included. I can’t emphasize enough how hard this thing kicks bit.ly’s ass.

Device For Sale: Hamburger Patty Size Calculator

patty deviceOkay gang, here’s my first device on offer … a Clommex TM Hamburger Patty Size Calculator in NEAR-MINT CONDITION. I picked this up at a restaurant warehouse sale. The way it works is, you make a bunch of hamburger patties and put them on the grill and then place the calculator’s measurement tentacle on the grill and then the LCD screen tells you if any of the hamburger patties are smaller than any of the other patties. (See in the photograph, where that one patty is smaller than the other patties? The calculator display reflects that disparity.)

Grill with confidence! Make sure all your burgers are the same size, so nobody feels ripped off and screams at you and makes you feel humiliated. The minimum reserve bid for this device is listed on the photograph … email me if you’re interested in this rare item (discontinued by Clommex due to frivolous lawsuits from the FDA).

Bird Figurine

bird-figurine-550

[The auction for this Significant Object, with story by Sung J. Woo, has ended. Original price: 50 cents. Final price: $52.]

Last summer, my wife and I held a barbeque in our back yard. After the event, I saw a little yellow bird with a black crown and wings on the knickknack shelf above the toilet in the bathroom. I’d never seen this figurine before. The bird, its head turned ninety degrees to the left of its body, gazed at me squarely with unblinking black eyes.

When I asked my wife about where she got the figurine, she had no idea what I was talking about. The figurine suddenly took on the cold heft of an object that existed only to tell us how much it didn’t belong here.

If neither of us had placed it on the shelf, that meant someone from the party had done it. Maybe it was a joke. Or was it a snide criticism of our decorating skills? I found myself getting angry, but then another thought occurred to me: perhaps it was a psychological issue that one of our friends was suffering from, a sort of a reverse-kleptomaniacal syndrome. In which case my anger was misplaced and insensitive. While I was mulling the possibilities, my wife was completing a more practical, forensic study of the bird. She pointed at the tiny lettering near the bottom, near its tail: MB.

In the kitchen, we went through the guest list and found two matches, a man and a woman who shared the same initials. I’d been friends with the female MB since college, and my wife had known the male MB since early childhood, but they’d never been introduced. Neither seemed to be the type to pull a stunt like this, but we emailed them each a photo of the figurine and asked if they knew anything about it.

Within a minute, we received replies. It was an American goldfinch, they agreed; and neither of them had placed it in our bathroom. The enthusiasm of this identification was evident in both emails; both were avid birders, it turned out. They announced their engagement soon after.

When the newly minted couple visited our house a month before the wedding, they stopped by the bathroom to admire the bird that had brought them together. I decided that the perfect way to celebrate their love was to give the bird to them. I found a fancy hexagonal wooden box in the closet and when the evening drew to a close, presented them with the gift.

They looked at the box with absolute shock. In tears, they chided me for taking the bird out of its natural habitat and for putting it in a container that resembled a coffin. Before I had a chance to apologize, they stormed off, and as my wife and I stared at the bird in the box, I had to admit, it did look sort of dead.

A talent for enraging readers

Aside from her other prodigious gifts as an essayist, Caitlin Flanagan has the knack of slipping a passage (or two or three) into every piece she writes that will cause some of her readers to hurl the magazine* across the room. Usually, those readers are working mothers. This time it's … well, here's the passage, from the September Atlantic, that took me aback. It comes as she's discussing the funeral of a teenager she knew who was killed in a car crash, in the context of a broader discussion of the marriage of Elizabeth and John Edwards.

WFMU Playlist: Benjamen Walker’s Theory of Everything from Aug 31, 2009

Playlist from Benjamen Walker's Theory of Everything on WFMU, from Aug 31, 2009

The pirate brand

At the New Yorker, Caleb Crain reviews Peter Leeson's The Invisible Hook: The Hidden Economics of Pirates (I have only dipped into the book myself so far, but it looks excellent); Caleb also offers further piratical background at his blog.

Oed to a Nietingael

Margalit Fox's obituary for spelling reformer Edward Rondthaler (via Paul Collins). Lots of charming details:
At 5, Edward received a toy printing press as a gift and began publishing his own newspaper. (It was a very small newspaper, about the size of a postcard, his son said.)

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