Hermenautic Circle blog

photo by slushpup

Self-love won’t cure swine flu, but that’s pretty much the only shortcoming we can think of:

1. Getting a grip on yourself helps teach you the pattern of your own sexual response: What you like, what you don’t like, and what you hate more than anything else in the whole wide world.
2. Friggin’ your riggin’ helps you gain control over when and how soon you come: Once you can recognize the point right before the point of no return, you can put on the brakes and avoid premature crashes.
3. Polishing your china helps you sleep — right before a nap, or as part of your bedtime ritual.
4. Playing with yourself is a great procrastination device/study break/boredom reliever. Way better than smoking or television.
5. DIY sex puts a smile on your face by releasing endorphins. So self-administer a mercy fuck after (or better yet, during) a bad day at work.
6. Jacking off can help kick-start a tired and listless sex drive.
7. Southern comfort puts you first for a change (assuming you’re not usually a selfish bastard). Do something nice for yourself: Walk your hand home.
8. Beating off evens the playing field when you want it more than your partner does. With the wave of a hand, presto: No more frustration!
9. Doing the handstroke is a self-fulfilling prophecy; the more you do it (and the earlier you start doing it), the more likely you are to do it into your old age. That image might gross you out now, but wait till you’re seventy.
10. Doing the hand jive is cheap and you’re easy, unlike most of your dates.
11. Not jerking off at all, according to sexologists, is more likely to lead to psychological problems than jerking off incessantly. This is an about-face from the widespread Victorian belief that shaking the bacon would drive you nuts. So stop the insanity!
12. Hand-to-gland combat gives you fresh breath. As long as you brush your teeth when you’re done.
13. Testing the plumbing before a date helps keep your head in the game.
14. Widespread wanking creates a more sensual world, adds to the supply of international karma, and thus brings us closer to world peace.
15. Masturbation is the shortest distance between you and an orgasm. Need we say more?

And one extra one, just for the ladies — because, let’s face it, they’re the ones who need the most encouragement to masturbate more often:

16. Orgasms can help relieve menstrual cramps and PMS, and fight yeast infections by increasing blood flow to the pelvic area. That alone is a pretty good reason to learn how to flick the bean, and flick it well.

William Easterly, the NYU economist, suggests that Starbucks is using aid to Africa as a brand-enhancement gimmick: "I was curious about what the going rate is these days for attracting customers who want to save Africa. Five cents was a little lower than I expected." A Starbucks senior VP for public affairs responds, but Easterly's commenters are not convinced by her arguments. (Photo via Aid Watch)

http://twitter.com/Marcus_Lamour

As the Arctic ice melts, countries are engaged in a polar land rush.

It is time for a fun internet personality quiz!  No this one is actually fun.

What your favorite Grateful Dead song says about you.

Plus, bonus yearbook quotes!! (Missing however my Deadhead brother's actual yearbook quote: "what a short, normal trip it's been.")

Here's the link: QUIZ

Onwards from AKQA on Vimeo.

Cool animation for Nike by James Jarvis, of Martin fame. This is apparently his first motion project, which is super cool for him. Obviously rotoscoped, but a lovely application of the process, in the tradition of Pinocchio and 101 Dalmations (something there is, tragically, no video evidence of on the internet, putting to rest the idea that EVERYTHING is online. But look for it in the movie, when Cruella DeVillie’s car flies off the embarkment and into the snow; some of the strangest, coolest rotoscoping ever).

I posted this to a online group I’m a part of, and it immediately brought up the ’sell-out’ clarion call, and whether it would be applied to Mr. Jarvis. What a crock of utter horseshit. As a professional illustrator, I want to, for once and all, call every single self-important punk-ass artist out on the mat for using this tired term born of petty spite and jealousy. There’s only two types of work in this world: the kind of work that satisfies you, and the kind of work that helps you continue to make the kind of work that satisfies you. Nothing else matters.

Well done, James: I hope Nike paid very well

With fewer Wall Street firms hiring, some biz-school grads are considering alternative careers.

Mt. Pinatuba in 1991: A model for fighting climate change? It may be time to consider a fallback position where global warming is concerned, according to an article in Foreign Affairs by a passel of environmental experts and engineers. The evidence that the climate is changing keeps growing -- glaciers are melting, sea levels rising -- yet so do indications that the political will to change behavior is lacking: The United States has yet to impose any restrictions on emissions, for example, and most scientists consider the current European cap-and-trade system a baby step. Therefore, we ought to be debating "geoengineering," suggests David G. Victor, director of Stanford's program on energy and sustainable development, and four co-authors. They grant that efforts to tinker with the weather have a poor track record and a worse reputation. The U.N. banned efforts to alter the weather for hostile or military purposes in 1976. But reducing or eliminating global warming (even as carbon-dioxide emissions continue to soar) could turn out to be easier than making it rain more in South Dakota -- let alone ginning up a hurricane to flatten Moscow. Volcanoes offer one hint about one way forward: In 1991, the ash spewed by Mt. Pinatubo, in the Philippines, for example, caused global temperatures to fall by 0.5 degrees Celsius. The eruption increased the proportion of sunlight reflected back into space, a measure known as the Earth's "albedo." Aircraft, balloons, or cannon might be used to loft reflective particles of some sort into the upper stratosphere, the authors say. Candidate sunscreens include sulfate aerosols, aluminum oxide dust, "or even self-levitating and self-orienting designer particles engineered to migrate to the Polar Regions and remain in place for long periods." Any drawbacks? ...

This article makes me want to write a novel!

(A relief, since I have been feeling in recent months as though I would never want to write another novel again - partly I am steering internally towards non-fiction - but it occurs to me it may be a function of mood rather than judgment? I am definitely Amazoning Dolkart's Morningside Heights book, though...)

Bill Slammon reviews the newest releases from St. Vincent and Akron/Family.

photo by colorcritical

Let’s say you’ve got enough disposable income — even in the middle of a recession — to call yourself a “classy professional” who drinks in “upscale bars.” And let’s say that — despite the recession — all this disposable income doesn’t seem to be working on the ladies like you’d hoped it would. You’re classy, of course, so you don’t want to actually pay someone to have sex with you. But paying a woman to help you find someone who’ll have sex with you for free? Now that you can do. And thus came into being our favorite Craigslist ad of the week:

Two classy professionals in their 30s, looking for serious relationships, recognize the well-known fact that it is much easier to meet women in social situations when a social, classy, positive, fun woman is with our group. So, we are looking for a wingwoman to join us in social situations mostly upscale bars and lounges. Being a wingwoman involves: Looking classy, Laughing, joking, having fun, and giving off positive energy & Casually starting conversations with women the guys you are with want to meet by asking a question, giving a compliment, etc. So, if you are easygoing, fun, and have positive energy we look forward to hearing from you! Include a photo with your response, and some comments on why you think you would be good at this work.

A friend of ours who responded reports that this gig pays $35/hour. Assuming your upscale cocktails are covered, not too shabby. And with the right wingwomen, we think this plan could actually work. Of course, the ethics of the operation start to look a little shady if you question the posters’ intent. “Serious relationships,” really, guys? If you seriously mean that, cross your hearts, then we apologize for our snide attitude — and we think it’s kind of sweet that you’re asking for help. But if you’re just looking to get laid? Then do your own damn dirty work!

• This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
• Get the Naked Love RSS feed

The accordion-playing Gary Sredzienski’s varied character comes alive in Creek Man.

To all of you in the Rochester area, be sure to come to the University of Rochester Interfaith Chapel today at 6 p.m. for the newest installment of our ongoing Reading the World Conversation Series. This time we’re proud to bring to town Jan Kjærstad (an internationally renown author from Norway) and Mark Binelli (an American author and contributing editor to Rolling Stone). All the good info is here.

Also, to sweeten the deal, we’ll have an some excellent organ music at the top of the show, and food and drinks at the bottom. All of this, of course, is free.

We hope to see you there!

This was the question that Leon Neyfakh from the New York Observer asked a few people at the recent PEN Foundation annual gala. The answers aren’t all that provocative or surprising: Edmund White points out how most panels are “an exercise of competing egos rather than an effort to communicate or focus on the topic” and Daniel Menaker (whose Titlepage.tv project seems to have gone into permanent hibernation) offers up the excuse that most authors aren’t good at interacting with the public.

The one comment that I completely agree with is from Rhonda Sherman (organizer of the New Yorker Festival): ““In general, it’s not a party unless there’s blood on the floor. There needs to be tension on a panel. You need to have some disagreement. If everyone agrees on the panel, it’s a total snooze-a-thon.”

Every panel needs a contrarian to really foster a discussion. Otherwise it’s easy for these events to devolve into a series of disconnected, individual presentation.

As mentioned on Conversational Reading, the new issue of Hermano Cerdo is now available.

Included in this issue are articles on Juan Jose Millas’s El Mundo, on Sergio Chejfec’s Los incompletos y Mis dos mundos, and on Daniel Sada’s Casi nunca, which will be published by Graywolf.

Chad Post (who you may know as the guy who wrote all the words above and below this post) was recently interviewed by Nigel Beale for his literary podcast. It’s a candid 28 minutes—covering the state of literature in translation, the American publishing landscape, Open Letter, and etc.—so take a look.

(Also, you can check the rest of Nigel’s offerings here.)

Guys, I am dealing with a demon right now — the demon of temptation.

Obama gave a press conference last night, and I don’t know what my favorite bloggers thought of it.

Would someone please transcribe my favorite bloggers’ thoughts onto a piece of parchment and staple it to a lamppost so that I can read it without violating my pledge of not reading blogs?

Thank you.

With Catalan Days quickly approaching (the festival kicks off on Saturday with the Merce Rodoreda/Jessica Lange event at the Baryshnikov Arts Center) this seems like an appropriate time to mention Black Beach and Other Plays a collection of three works of contemporary Catalan drama by Jordi Coca, Joan Casas, and Lluisa Cunille, (and translated by Richard Thomson, Peter Bush, and Laura McGloughlin) published in English translation by Parthian Book (distributed in the U.S. by Dufour Editions).

I can’t imagine many works of Catalan drama are available in English translation, so this is a pretty unique publication. And the opening intro by Jordi Coca that provides a very interesting overview of the “minor renaissance” Catalan theatre is currently experiencing.

According to Coca, the big turning point came in 1976 with the availability of public funding for theatre. Prior to that there was a pretty diverse, exciting theatre scene, but it was primarily done “from the perspective of resistance” to the Franco regime, and was performed by “semi-professional companies.”

In the 1980s, the public funding let to the creation of numerous theatres, including the Drama Centre of Catalonia and the National Theatre of Catalonia. All of these outlets have lead to the vitality of the current scene, but according to Coca, the popularity of Catalan theatre comes with a price:

Such is the present state of play. Programming for public theatre is very conservative, very close to the interests of the commercial stage, and proceeds without any risk-taking from an aesthetic, dramatic or ideological point of view. We are therefore waiting for a new generation of English-style angry young men or women able to shake up today’s complacent and optimistic bourgeois outlook.

Nevertheless it would be wrong not to acknowledge that the consolidation of audiences and adaptation of programming policy to more conservative, insipid sensibilities has led to an increase in ticket sales and an increase in the strictly economic level of theatre business.

But that brings us to the three playwrights featured in this collection: Lluisa Cunille (“The Sale”), whose work is “rooted in Pinter;” Joan Casas (“Naked”), in whose work “the place where his characters find themselves is an abstract space subordinate to the interplay of ambiguities of time that form part of the project,” and Jordi Coca, whose “Black Beach” is “driven by a wish to rework the myth of Antigone.”

The swine flu epidemic, that is. Here is his blog post on the subject; you can also hear him talk about it on NPR and WFMU.

EBSCO made a bold move recently claiming that libraries that offer e-cards [for accessing electronic library resources from home] are violating their licensing agreement. San Francisco Public Library has a statement on their databases page.

Special Notice Regarding E-Card Users: Due to electronic vendor licensing agreements, San Francisco Public Library must suspend issuing e-cards, effective immediately. Existing e-cardholders must validate their current address no later than April 10, 2009 in order to continue using SFPL databases and other electronic resources remotely. This validation must take place in person with appropriate identification and proof of address at any San Francisco Public Library Branch or the Main Library. The Library will continue to investigate ways of offering a revised e-card in the future. We recommend that non-San Francisco Bay Area residents check for similar electronic resources at their local public library. We apologize for the inconvenience

Boston Public Library is taking a different tack and keeping the e-card program and dropping remote access to EBSCO. Both libraries have to curtail services — and SFPL is changing their e-card policies fairly dramatically — because of this. Does anyone else see this as a shot across the bow? While I’m aware that things are tough all over, this move surprises me. Not because it may not be EBSCO legally enforcing their agreement, but because libraries with e-card options have always been offering patrons an amazing service in a way that seemed almost too good to be true. I have access to Heritage Quest with my totally free library card at the library I work at. Lucky me, but really anyone can get a card at my library — no matter where you live, no matter where you pay taxes — and get access to the same resources. I think this move, and libraries’ decisions about their responses to it, is going to be the start of a long (or depending how you look at it, continuing) struggle.